Trump Mulls: Burn the Constitution, the Planet, or Both?

(This is satire from the well-known Satire News Agency, the Dissociated Press. Satire reports not the immediate facts but the deeper Truth that emerges from understanding the immediate facts.)

Trump Mulls: Burn the Constitution, the Planet, or Both?

Dissociated Press [Washington DC, February 15, 2019]  A member of the Trump family has described to our reporter a private meeting of the Trump Family just before Donald Trump decided today to proclaim a national emergency on the Southern US border so as to build the Wall.

The family member reports that Donald said,  

“I’m considering burning the Constitution by ignoring its provision that only Congress can appropriate money, and grabbing money from various agencies to start building that Wall.  I want your advice: Will we make more money for the Family if I do this “national emergency” thing, or if I just focus on burning the Earth?

 “I’ve already been doing my best to burn all Planet Earth. I’m  encouraging the burning of as much coal, oil, and unnatural gas as possible, ending limits on automobile CO2 emissions, allowing coal-burning power plants from spewing their poison into the air.

“The GREAT thing is, all that carbon-burning also multiplies weird cancers and terrible asthma epidemics in the Black and Brown neighborhoods, who don’t belong in our country anyway and harbor thousands of would-be terrorists. We protect America by keeping them busy with their kids in hospitals.

“Of course there is no national emergency on the border.  The real emergency is that I might lose the 2020 election if I don’t get that Wall built.

“I notice just today, my Trump Organization announced that so many elitist and globalists are angry at me they won’t stay in my Hotels any more. The new hotels we planned will have to wait.

 “So those 'globalists' like Soros and Steyer (you know who I mean, but I can’t say the whole truth about them out loud – yet!) are going to explode if I burn the Constitution too. But my loyal followers will love me even more, so it’s my best chance to win in 2020.

"The Dems will go to court, of course. But so what if they win? Once I’ve burned one part of the Constitution, what’s to stop me for burning more? As my hero Andy Jackson when the Supreme Court tried to stop him from forcing those Pocohontas Cherokees to move their asses out of Georgia, ‘John Mashall has made his decision; now let him enforce it!’

“And besides, it’s such a thrill to see McConnell so scared!  He’s so scared I’ll support somebody to beat him in the primary,  I bet if I got the actual original copy of the Constitution out of the Archives and told him to light the match to burn it on the White House lawn, he’d swallow hard and do it.

“But if it will hurt the Hotels, should I do it?   Win the Presidensity, lose a few hotels  -- is it worth it to our bottom line?”  

 

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